Time Warp

Hi friends!

How can it be possible that I haven't had time to write in almost 2 months?! Oh yes- Joel is basically a wild man and goes non-stop and Bradley has been so busy growing, I can hardly keep up.

::Here's what we've been up to::

Birthday!
The boys had their first birthday party and it was better than I hoped. Being surrounded by the family, friends, doctors and nurses that quite literally brought us through the last 12 months was the best feeling in the whole world. They aren't kidding when they say that you become family, and we could not have picked a better medical team for them. On their actual birthday (9/23/16) we were able to take a ton of donations back to the NICU and other parts of Children's that have been important in their story.

TABLE FOOD!
These little pigs haven't found a food they don't like ('they get it from their mama') and have taken SO well to regular milk, and we love not spending $200+ a month for their preemie formula. Weight gain has been appropriate & we made it through the list of allergy foods without any reactions (can I get an Amen?).


 


















Joel
The mischievous one....exploring and taking everything in around him. He is quite literally a replica of Bryan's personality, and the older he gets funnier and funnier to see how much he is like his dad. He is crawling and crusing all over the place with no plans to slow down anytime soon. He feels things BIG- when hes happy he is really happy and when he's sad, he gets very sad (his tears break my heart!) It is so awesome to watch him explore and discover new things every day. He is cutting his two bottom teeth and his hair is starting to curl!

Bradley
Sweet, sweet Bradley. After his abdominal surgery in August he hit the ground running and was growing, developing and changing everyday. It was the longest stretch of time he had been home, healthy and able to just grow. He, opposite of his brother is a carbon copy of Bryan's face with my **dazzling** personality. 
      He has fallen in love with all things table food and regular milk, his volumes have gone up so much he was discharged from the First Steps nutritionist. The earliest a 24 weeker had very been discharged, thank you very much! All of this from the baby they wanted to have a G-button in April....he sure showed them!
     This past week he had what the doctors are calling a 'spell' that very closely looked like a seizure. Always one for the drama, we rushed him to the ER where they started stroke protocol because only half of his face was moving, he was severely lethargic, and lips were a shade of blue. Luckily it wasn't a stroke and his MRI/Ultrasounds/Xray/EEG all looked great. Which of course is a blessing, but it also doesn't leave us with many answers as to what happened. Hoping to follow up with his Neurologist soon. As usual, he was charming the nurses and doctors and seemed to enjoy his stay at our home away from home.

 

   Last week was probably one of the more stressful and traumatic experiences we've had with Bradley; the unknown of whats going on, the fear of not getting our smiley little man back and above all else wanting to protect him from it. The trip to the ER shook Bryan and I pretty hard, but knowing he was in the best place, with the best people who really care about him (above and beyond him just being a patient) brings a sense of calm that would be hard to have if we were somewhere else. 
      I'm learning that in pediatric neurology things are almost always NOT black and white. So much gray area makes it hard to know what to look for and how to prepare, but we will do the best we can and if it wasn't a one time thing we'll learn as much as possible about seizures and keep on going.

 

I promise to {try} and update more regularly..but let's be real- with the holidays fast approaching that may be a long shot =)

xoxo E

August was supposed to be calm

      Remember how I said that July was supposed to be the busy month and we'd relax right into August? Jokes on me; as they say, best laid plans.

      The first week of August greeted us with a double case of hand, foot and mouth disease. It's basically the most contagious virus on the planet so there really is no telling where they picked it up (and were generous enough to pass it to each other). Also lucky for us, there is a super strain of this virus going around Saint Louis and it's not just on the hands, feet, and mouth it's EVERYWHERE. So here we were with two absolutely miserable babies and two parents that were terrified that we were going to get it too (happy birthday, Bryan lol) Apparently when adults get it badly enough you can lose your fingernails! We didn't leave the house for about 5 days, but I'd say the first three days were the worse. No one was sleeping or eating and no amount of Tylenol seemed to help.

The HFM delayed Bradley's surgery from Monday to Thursday, which brought another trip to the OR and overnight hospital stay. He did so great this time! The anesthesiologist was very conservative and treated him as locally as he could without having to give him a bunch of narcotics, which I greatly appreciate. He was also very impressed with his lungs! Said they were much stronger than typical "24-weeker lungs" go, Bradley, go! In typical Bradley fashion however, the hernia was not filled with intestine like a typical hernia, it was fluid from his shunt that hadn't been absorbed. I promise I couldn't make this up if I tried! Dr. Smyth was able to join Dr. Warner in the OR and they checked the placement of the shunt and repaired the defects in the abdominal wall. He has healed beautifully from the surgery, and now we just wait and see to make sure the function of the shunt isn't compromised (fluid not absorbing correctly and then backing up from his belly to his ventricle). He's doing great so far, but we go back Friday for an MRI and to visit with Dr. Smyth just to make sure. 

We met with the doctors today about getting B fitted with a helmet- hopefully to help shape that precious noggin! We should be getting it next Friday and will have it wrapped like a Blues helmet, Bryan's idea, of course =) He did great sitting still for the imaging needed this morning, look at him with the "sock" on his head! 

Joel is doing great! His personality is so funny and he's exploring more everyday. He is growing like a weed and his new favorite place to be is under the couch or practicing his crawling stance. It still makes my head hurt to realize they're big enough to be crawling, Mama isn't ready, but it's so cool. Can't believe they'll be 11 months old tomorrow- let the baby-proofing begin!

Emily

Not our first rodeo

Can anyone believe that it's already August?? I cannot wrap my head around the fact that the summer is already winding down. We successfully finished our wild July that was filled with nothing short of 3245 doctor visits and therapy appointments. It just happened that July was Joel's sixth month home from the NICU and Bradley's third  which meant everyone under the sun was ready for a follow up. Don't get me wrong, happy follow-ups are great, but running in a million directions for a month straight was exhausting.  Luckily this guy (and his brother) are great travelers and are happy to sit in their car seats and wait our turn.

The boys have been doing great playing and growing this month! They recovered from their colds and Bradley re-gained all of the weight (0.6oz) that he lost while they were sick. It may not seem like much, but for a micro-preemie guy that doesn't have a big reserve, we need every last ounce to stick with him. Joel is so close to sitting all on his own, and is rolling all over the place...God help us all when they're both mobile. 

However, we did find out that Bradley will be heading back to SLCH next Monday for one more stay at our pretend vacation home. The hernia on his left side has gotten much worse, and Dr. Warner thinks is best to fix it sooner rather than later. The plan will be to have the surgery Monday and stay over night; fingers crossed it's an uncomplicated (successful!) procedure and he will bounce back quickly as he always has. The same-day surgery nurse called today and asked us to come in for a tour of the 6th floor (surgical floor) so we can feel acclimated and make sure we know where to go on Monday morning. Good jokes, nice lady on the phone, this is his 11th surgical procedure- we basically have our own parking spot =)

Emily

Sweet Summertime

Hi All!
We've had a busy couple of weeks, lots of follow ups for the boys and therapy appointments seem nonstop. Luckily, we've been able to squeeze in some fun stuff! Here's what we've been up to:

-Our Fourth of July was great! We went to a family party Saturday and the boys got lots of love and to meet our family from Colorado. 30+ people all in one house, Joel wasn't phased and slept through the whole thing. Fits right in =) On the 4th, Bryan's best friend's family has a party every year that has become one of our favorite traditions, this year the boys got to come! Crazy to think last year on the 4th  I was half way done with the pregnancy (12 weeks). 

-The boys had a great 9 month check up with our pediatrician! One quick booster shot and we were out the door. Joel is reaching 6+ month milestones, which is awesome and B is quickly catching up. B gained weight during the trial with no NG tube, which granted him another 2 weeks. I'm absolutely in knots that he's going to need it again; his appetite has been pretty minimal while he's been sick (more on that later). I'm trying a new feeding schedule in hopes to increase his ounces per day, which should in turn help him keep gaining. Everytime that boy swallows an ounce I feel like I've climbed a mountain. 

-Bradley, also had the BEST MRI yet last week!! And for that, we are constantly grateful. Dr. Smyth said we "made his day" again and we don't have to go back to Neuro Surgery....wait for it....UNTIL OCTOBER! WAHOO!!! That will officially be the longest time in his whole little life that B has spent away from the Neuro clinic. We love you Dr. Smyth (and Rebecca) but it's time to break up (it's not you, it's us.)

-Last weekend the boys came down with their first colds. We've had sniffles, sneezes and snot for days around here. We could tell something was up with their moods and their appetites were way off (NO sleep in our house. None.) but then their colds hit all at once. Bradley had a low grade fever and as quickly as the thermometer beeped the NICU fear snuck back in and took over. I was frantically ready to take him to the ER (or at least call the hospital exchange) in the fear that it was a shunt infection or some other complication. Who do I call? Pediatrician? Hospital, ok but which specialty? He's not post-op, but a fever can't be good. I was a mess. Granted, he had zero other symptoms but something about B and his history makes the worst case seem like the most likely. However, Bryan has gotten really good at talking me off the ledge and a quick trip to the pediatrician confirmed that it was nothing more than a summer cold. Thankfully, after several long naps, and bubbles in their highchairs, they both seem to be feeling better.

My favorite thing we've done is finally explore Ikea! We went with our Swedish friend Helena as our tour guide, had breakfast (omg the cinnamon rolls) and got the VIP tour =)
I was able to get a jump on the items needed for the boys' playroom. Can't wait to get it finished! 

Emily

So far, So good!

Happy Friday Friends! 
We've had a wonderfully uneventful two weeks! The boys turned 9 months, we've been doing some pretty fun Summer stuff, Bradley got (another) Physical Therapist, B started a dose of Pepcid and oh yeah...

                         BRADLEY'S NG TUBE IS GONE!!! 

 Technically, it's a two week trial without it to see if he can continue to gain and grow all on his own, but we are hopeful its gone for good. The volume he is taking by bottle has gone up to 4oz and he is still eating off a spoon like a wild man. Fingers crossed he does well and we can kiss those tubes and tape goodbye.We check back in with our Pediatrician next week to see how he's grown. It's a pretty awesome thing to finally see his face without ANYTHING after 9 long months. 

Bradley has really grown over the last two weeks (and his hair has finally grown in since he hasn't had constant haircuts in the OR!). I had a long talk with him after our last Neuro appointment that if Dr. Smyth was going on vacation for 10 days, I needed him to keep himself together while he was gone-lol! First Choice (the private therapy company) has added another physical therapist for him (that makes therapist #6) to help with his abdominal strength and range of motion in his neck. I'm going to need to come up with a list or something to remember all of our therapy "homework" (stretches and activities) I need to be doing with each boy during the day- it's starting to get overwhelming to try and remember.

      Luckily our primary therapists from First Steps (MO's version of early intervention) are very realistic and know that our lives don't totally revolve around how many neck stretches Bradley has done and how many minutes Joel has been bearing weight on his arms in a day. It can be so tough doing Bradley's stretches with him when he gets upset, but I just keep reminding myself how good this will be for him in the long run. Professionally, early intervention is something I have become pretty passionate about and have seen just how much outcomes can drastically be impacted when therapies are utilized early on. Time to work boys....

We hope everyone has a great Fourth of July! It's my all time favorite holiday and we have plans to see lots of family and friends (not to mention the boys have had red, white and blue outfits since this time last year-lol!) This StL weather better get on board because we are ready to have a great weekend- full of chaos, loud and as much teething as is going on around here- I am determined to get us all out the door =)

 Emily

NICU Notes

     I started this blog to keep people up to date on J & B but also collect all of my random thoughts on life post-NICU as well as raising two micro-preemies. We were given so much help and support when we needed it my hope is that this reaches at least one person and makes them feel not so alone at any point in their journey. Occasionally these posts will pop up, so ­­­let’s call them NICU notes. 

      Let me start by saying that I love St. Louis Children’s Hospital. I will praise the D-Room, NICU, doctors and nurses to anyone that will listen. Our therapists are fantastic and we have an amazing team for the boys. This has nothing to do with the people in our village; from day one we agreed that we would try to only surround ourselves with people we trusted and were comfortable with, and we have. The care plans that these amazingly caring and smart people have put together have gotten the boys to where they are now and as for where they’re going, the possibilities are endless. 

      This is going to sound odd, but after having lunch with a dear NICU friend (van, in Swedish) when I realized that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way, it been on my mind to share it. When you have a baby (or two) that’s been so medically involved, they don’t feel like your own. It has nothing to do with the bond or the love you have for them, but there is definitely a piece of the parenting process that feels like its missing. 

     It’s hard to describe what it’s like to not be making any of the decisions regarding the care for your own kids. For most people after you deliver a baby, you’re at the hospital for a day or two and then you head home and are on your own. As they grow,  if you have a baby question you may consult a friend, Google, or your pediatrician but ultimately go with your gut and decide what to do.  For a parent of a micro-preemie from day one, you are away from your baby and trusting their lives in the hands of the NICU. As they grow, you’re directed how, when and if you’ll be able to hold, change or care for them. Their day is dictated by monitors, tests and labs.  I thought that feeling of being out of control would disappear after discharge, but it didn’t. 

      Every part of the boys’ lives is dictated to us by someone on their care team. We have a Neonatology team that follows them in the Newborn Clinic, our own Pediatrician, two dieticians, two Occupational Therapists, two Physical Therapists, and a Speech Pathologist. That’s not even including the specialists-General Surgery, Neurology & Neuro Surgery for B, and Ophthalmology. That is A LOT of people and opinions around the table that comes with appointments, emails, phone calls and sometimes conflicting opinions when a question comes up. ­­It can be exhausting. However, we are not blind to the fact that we need to follow their directions to give the boys the best chance at growing and developing as normally as possible and we credit them with bringing them to where they are today (as well as the posse of people that pray for them!). 

     Constantly questioning my own thoughts & ideas about their care isn’t something I expected to be going through, but it’s where we are right now. They've been so medically complicated (involved? fancy? challenging?) for so long, at any time when an issue comes up my first instinct (rather than listening to my gut) is to call someone at the hospital. Always. It just becomes ingrained after so long (and you get to be on a first name basis with A LOT of different offices lol)  I haven’t been in a situation where I felt I couldn’t express my ideas but I am a pretty decisive person and knowing someone else always has the final say hasn’t been an easy adjustment.

      As an example, we just went through a three week discussion to decide what formula everyone thought Bradley should be on. Three weeks. About formula. General surgery had to be consulted because it has extra calories which could upset his belly, we had to find one that he liked the taste of so he would continue to feed by the bottle with OT, the ratios of Phosphorus and Calcium need to be considered to help his bones grow and the ounces per feed needed to be adjusted.  It was a lot of back and forth, but luckily we have these trained minds to help find what will be best for Bradley. I probably would have stuck with the Members Mark sensitive formula from Sams Club that he was originally on and his bones would have stopped growing and he could have started glowing in the dark- lol!

   In these last two weeks as we’ve been away from the hospital (both boys are healthy!) doing normal people things and generally being ON OUR OWN these feelings have faded away. Hopefully, as the boys grow the visits will become fewer and farther between (looking at you B) and we'll be able to be more independent. Maybe this is what a typical family feels like. Maybe not. We’ll never know, but for now we are going to enjoy the Summer and always have SLCH on speed dial.

Doing normal people things

What a week it has been! We got such great news from Dr. Smyth on Monday, we were really able to relax and enjoy the week. Bradley's MRI looked amazing and we are done with Neuro visits (hopefully!) until early July. It was truly such a relief to hear how great the doctors think he's doing =)

It's going to sound really silly, but this was one of the first weeks in a long time I felt like we were doing normal family things. We were able to go on walks, visit with friends, go to Target and even visit KECC. The boys are such good travelers, they're usually pretty content to sit in their seats. Sure helped me to have a sense of 'normal' again and do things that people with kiddos do. Sure, it feels like running a half marathon to pack them up and head out the door, but I think it's so worth it. Bradley was able to start therapy again this week, but in between visits we tried to get out as much as we could. We have lots of fun things planned this week ahead, too.
Life. is. good.

Emily